The Importance of Community.
For me it was that first night alone with my new-born daughter. I was petrified that she was going to stop breathing! I remember thinking, “wow, I am responsible for keeping this tiny human being alive!” I was tired from the birth and the accompanying lack of sleep that had come with my daughter, made this thought very overwhelming.
The first nights were hard. I used to dread bedtime as I knew it meant anything but sleep for me.
I didn’t have family around, as in my usual independent way, I’d decided I’d be ok and wanted them to visit when I had everything more “under control”. Unfortunately, my husband wasn’t granted the leave that he requested, so after 2 days of me being back home, he went back to work, leaving me alone and exhausted. What kept me going during those blurry day, was the love and support I received from friends and family. Especially those who were already mums, who understood and were able to give advice and answer my questions.
I also had a WhatsApp group of ten women who were all due within a couple of months of one other and we were all going through the same thing. It’s lonely in those first few months as if you are breast feeding, it’s only you that can do the feeding, having to be on call whenever the little one wants to eat. Having support from others is invaluable but having the mum’s group really made a difference as they are living and breathing the same experiences. They had the same worries, the same questions and the same anxieties as me. We were all in it together.
Thank goodness I did have this community support as I had no support from the hospital or the system, once you leave the hospital that’s it, there was no further support given except a two week check for my daughter. Being a first-time mum, I had no idea if my daughter was healthy or whether I was missing huge indicators that could have meant otherwise. It was scary and the distance between me and my friends and family back in the UK seemed vast.
When I had first arrived in Qatar, 3 months pregnant, I had asked my Dr if there were any groups I could join to meet other pregnant women. She had told me there wasn’t anything. I was astounded there wasn’t something like the NCT (this is a charity that supports people as they become parents in the UK, organising local meet ups, workshops and activities). So I went about creating my own group through posting on Facebook and joining Prenatal yoga classes. We were very lucky and quickly formed a group of ten women that got on very well.
I am very grateful that I found such a wonderful group of women. My pregnancy and following year would not have been the same without them. When I think back to this time, I’m filled with happy memories of spending time with these women and even though I have now moved away, I am still part of the WhatsApp group and keep in regular contact with them. It’s such a special and precious time that you very quickly form close bonds with others going through the same thing. I love seeing how everyone’s children are growing and developing and I feel very lucky to have this group.
If you haven’t already found your group of mums-to-be who are a similar pregnancy stage to you, go out and find them today! For me, it changed my pre and postnatal experience for the better in every way. 💛
