Maryline & baby Léon.
Who are you?
My name is Maryline, mum of Léon who is 7.5 months old. I am married to Ken and we live in Sydney. I am not back at work yet but I usually work in the luxury hospitality industry, in the food and beverage department.
How would you describe your fourth trimester?
My fourth trimester was pretty rock and roll as we moved at that time from New Zealand back to Australia… Not that far you might say, but regardless of the distance, I would not recommend anyone to move their family nest at that specific time… All three months have been very different from each other.
The first four weeks were a mix of traumatism due to a tough labor, a constant anxiety (especially with Dad being back at work after one week)being in the unknown with that little baby… Lot of physical challenges due to that complicated labour, the difficult beginning of my breastfeeding journey with the start of a severe mastitis. Being in a packing mode for the move and not having a cosy cocoon was a real miss. Feeling at home, in a peaceful environment would have made a big difference. There still has been sweet moments during those few weeks, such as long warm summer naps with bubba nested on me. The support of our friends, locally or even from far away has been very beneficial, both physically and mentally.
The second month was the arrival in Sydney, where we had to run everywhere for weeks to settle and create a new home. The logistics were hard to manage as we did not have a home of our own. I lived that month completely detached from Léon, spending my time between doctors for my mastitis, visiting accommodations, looking for a car… Léon was most of the time with his grandparents who were here to support us and I didn’t spend much time with him to create our bond. I tried to look after myself as much as I could as I knew Léon’s well being could not be without my own wellbeing (especially regarding breastfeeding and sleeping), but I left the psychological aspect of it on the side, which hit me later on.
Once we were kind of settled, Ken started his new job and I was left alone at home with Léon… Massive shock. That new life just hit me in the face and I was not ready for it. Due to the hectic beginning I didn’t have time to realise what would be that new mum life. I found that transition extremely challenging psychologically. I went through all different kinds of emotions, which all new mothers go through as well, regrets, anxiety, helplessness, impatience, rejection, anger, doubt, disappointment… Even knowing that those feelings were very commun and legitimate, it wasn’t easy to deal with it. I felt like I didn’t know anything anymore. I felt very alone. At that time I started to do activities with Léon, to break that home routine, more for my well-being than his. Having a little human completely dependent on me was hard to accept and deal with on a daily basis. I felt like I was abandoning myself. The unconditional love I have for my child did not make things easier.
One thing you wish you knew before becoming a mum?
Looking back I feel like I have been a little (a lot) bit of a control freak. I think being in control is reassuring, when it can actually be a source of anxiety. It is very hard to go against your nature, but I would have loved to know that sometimes you just need to be led by your baby and stop questioning everything. Recently we have access to so much information about maternity, a lot of scientific research about it, and a lot of support groups (on social media), which in the end can be overwhelming. It is absolutely amazing to have access to so many resources and there is a freedom of speech about it, but I felt a bit lost, and I now know how to shut down everything when I feel I need it. The best advice I received from a friend is “take everything with a pinch of salt”. It is very important to be informed but also to put things into perspective and create your own experience.
For you, postpartum means...
Taming a new body, a new mind and a new life. I think I am still in the middle of it, but it is much softer. For me the most challenging part was to accept that new lifestyle. It took me 6 months to accept and let go of things and start enjoying that new mother role. I needed roughly the same amount of time to get back to normal physically. Even if it is still not perfect, I feel a difference now and feel like my body belongs to me again. Accepting my birth story is also part of my post partum. It is still a sensitive topic but time will make it better… three years is that right? :)
What would you like to tell a woman about to becoming a mum for the first time?
Be patient, trust yourself and trust your child. Cry as much as you want, don't be afraid to speak up and to ask for help. Your world will be shaken up and you will be challenged like never before, but this will bring you great pride.
Click here if you would you like to share your fourth trimester with us! ✨
